Plot to kidnap 300 youngsters revealed – the middle classes say “we wont stand for this.”

News agencies in the UK today reported alarming news of a widespread plot to kidnap 7 to 12 year olds from several locations in the South East. The plot apparently came to light after a you tube video was leaked to news agencies in Surrey and Kent. The video containing disturbing and graphic language contained threats made by a masked man, holding a dummy of a 7 year old. The man whose identity is yet to be revealed insisted that his group of activists were acting on the “orders and wishes of a higher power, as written in the holy text”.

Concerned citizens in Kent and Surrey were interviewed last night as news of the kidnap plot came to light. One alarmed citizen said “we wont stand for this. Its an abuse of rights. They’re so young, they have their future ahead of them, and then someone comes along, out of the blue, and trashes their future. We, as a people wont stand for it, and we must do something. Its the right thing to do, its the Christian thing to do.”

Other concerned dog owners of animals between the ages of 7 and 12 have formed local activist groups to try and maintain a vigilance against any future threats of kidnapping dogs in the region.

Other news today, some young girls, somewhere else, were taken and sold into lives of torture, slavery, sexual abuse, and life long domination. The president of somewhere else, Mr Goodnight William, speaking from his presidential palace, said it was not nice. Major supermarket chains today have reported a 28% increase in the sale of Organic and Free Trade products, with Nigerian products showing a marked increase in popularity in Surrey and Kent.

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Women, Men and the prevention of terror…

Harshad Keval

Visitors to the county of Cornwall may be under a potential risk of Pasty-isation. A report published recently warns that male visitors to the popular holiday destination may fall under the influence of radical Cornish Pasty enthusiasts. As Cornish inhabitants of the county celebrated a national acknowledgment of their newly ratified ‘minority’ status, there is a parallel underside to the celebratory mood. Reports indicate an extensive influence on normal, everyday young men, who apparently undergo a series of psychological, physical, and emotional transformations, making them unable to respond to logical and rational debate. Reports warn that one way of preventing the pasty-isation of male visitors to Cornwall, is through appealing to a specialist sub group – ‘women’. This highly specific, sub category have been defined in the report as holding the key to any further damage that may result to communities of ‘male visitors to Cornwall who eat Pasties’. These appeals to ‘women’ have been made in the national press, local pasty shops, and community organisations where communities of ‘men’ can be persuaded by the all-encompassing gendered power of ‘women’. The report also states that the primitive and basic form of civilisation and culture which these easily influenced, male, pasty eaters, visiting Cornwall come from, require the most basic and simplistic form of gender division to be enacted in order for some form of normality to resume. It has been argued that the specialist skills that ‘women’ have may be the way forward in convincing ‘men’ that Cornish Pasty led social unrest is not the way forward, a direct contrast to previous reports of ‘women’ in the pasty-influenced communities being unable to activate forms of empowerment due to oppressive, pasty-led ideologies. The debate continues.
A related news story…http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10784489/Syria-crisis-Many-British-families-are-oblivious-to-would-be-jihadists.-Thats-why-women-must-talk-to-loved-ones-early-on.html