Breaking news – Asian man earns unlimited British-ness – Ministers said to be “very happy”.

Breaking news from a small town in Lancashire, Lancstown. A 45 year old Asian man felt compelled to turn his daughter into the police, after fearing she had been radicalised by anti-democratic, jihadist and anti-western influences. “I just heard what she was saying, and saw how she was acting, and just got really suspicious. It’s the only way, it’s the British way. I mean, you can’t trust anybody…it was really difficult, but after hearing all this stuff on the news, and David Cameron, and Theresa May, about British values, and being good Muslims, I just thought, well, it’s the right thing to do.” The man’s daughter was held at a specialist anti-terror intelligence unit where she will be questioned for an undetermined length of time, in an undisclosed location, by any undetermined number of special operatives. When asked what specifically raised his suspicion, the 45 year old father said “well, I got back from work, and asked her how her day had been and she just kept saying ISIS, ISIS, ISIS. I asked her what she meant, and she just said ‘ISIS’. Well, that was it for me”. We were invited into the home to speak to the other family members. The girl in question also has two older siblings, a brother and sister, who are distraught at the sudden arrest of the youngest member of this close knit family. On speaking to them, they were understandably upset and puzzled as they tried to make sense of it all in discussions and conversations with each other. The suspected terrorist’s older sister posed a question and asked her brother if he thought this was just unacceptable.
His response was “Aye, sis. Aye.” The case continues as the 3 year old is questioned about her potential connections to terror cells.

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